Silencing yourself...

I dont know why...
But recently keep getting this hunch...
I keep thinking that i am going to end up all alone...
That thought just scares me...
Therefore, i try to cut away connections...

Went swimming all by myself...
It was a different experience...
Was kinna fun...
& many people would have thought i am a retard because i was talking to myself...
What happens next?!?!...
I end up going to work alone...
I would never ever do this in my sane mind!...

I just feel so lonely nowadays...
And i dont know why...
It aint anyone's fault except for mine...
I am not the usual me...
Everyone keeps telling me that..
I know, i know, i know...

I really cant help myself...
Nor can i do anything...
I can give you a fake smile if you want me to...
Nothing else...
I badly miss Ashwin nowadays...
How i wish he was there to take care of me...
Feeling so miserable...